*This post was originally published on Aug. 3, 2015 on potlertribe.wordpress.com.
I know the traditional saying is “winds of change” but in our case, it felt like it has come through “rains of change”.
Years ago, when we closed the door to Jahva House, we knew in our core that we had just been given a peek into a bigger vision God was birthing in our lives. We had tasted what it was like to live our lives, purposefully, seven days a week, serving others, sharing meals with a rag tag group of artists, musicians and vagabonds…and we loved it! And we wanted more. But, as God often does, He closed the door. We knew the chapter was over. But, deep down we knew it was not meant to be forever. Because you see, He began to nurture that little seed over the course of the next 10 years. Through life experiences, travel, relationships and learning, God kept adding to that little seed, flipping it upside down and over, having us look at it from different angles and seeing it with new eyes.
Over these years, we’d try to dig that seed up and let it get a bit of sunlight. But, the timing was never right. We’d tuck that little grain right back in the warm soil, covering it ever so slightly with promises. The more it rested in that soil, the more it settled in. To be honest, we were tired of trying to uncover it, so we left it, untouched in the earth.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” we found ourselves saying to our Maker after countless attempts to get it to sprout. There was no rain. We went through a few years of drought. Our spirits and our ability to hope, dried up. Why had He given us a vision and a passion for something, only to let it be that, an idea? We shook our fists for a while. We asked, “Why?” more times than we could count. Then we shut down. We felt nothing. I remember about 2 years ago being in the car with my best friend and she said, “It’s like you don’t dream any more.” All I could do was nod my head, even my tears had dried up.
Yet, that little seed was beneath the surface. It was just so buried, we had forgotten about it.
Often times, God gives us a dream, then He allows us to die to the dream. I think of David, as a young boy, it was said he would be king someday. I’m sure as he was being chased through the desert year after year, being hunted, he would wonder at that promise. Joseph, was told one day that his family would bow to him. I can only imagine how he felt about that dream when he was rotting away in a foreign prison. I’m not sure I fully understood before why God gives us a picture and then takes us through a season of tearing it up and throwing it away. But, I’m beginning to understand a wee bit.
When God gives us a glimpse of the dream He has for our lives, I think we often grab a hold of it and translate it the way we think best. We stuff that dream into a man made sized box and try and figure it out. We draw lines around it, boundaries and analyze it’s why and how. We try and own it.
God in His mercy and patience, takes it back from us. He lets us kick and scream like a little toddler until we calm down and look at Him again. He keeps us there, in that place, teaching us to sit with Him. He allows us know Him and His ultimate desire for us… He just wants us to want Him, not His gifts, but Him. There is something amazing that happens when we fall in love with the Giver and not gifts.
“You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.” Ps. 51:16-17
A year ago, He opened up the flood gates. He unlocked our dried up hearts. He pulled back the veil that we had become comfortable hiding behind. He filled our parched mouths with a new song. His Spirit filled our home and our kids and our marriage. It has been torrential and holy and He is doing it.
His ways are so much higher than our ways. His translation of dreams and visions, is so much better than ours. The way He works and instructs and guides, offers such a richer and deeper walk than any I could contrive on my own.
We are overwhelmed (in a good way) at what He is doing in our lives.
It’s raining. And there’s change a comin’.